Life with Alex is not easy and a lot of times is not fun. He is argumentative, belligerent, combative, contentious, contrary, lazy, moody and at times just downright rude.
He argues with me about everything. Waking up. What is for dinner. Why he can’t have a cookie as we are sitting down to breakfast. Why he can’t stay awake all night and listen to music. Why he has to take a shower, brush his teeth and change his clothes. Why he has to do copywork. Why he has to do math. Why he has to do any school at all. Why I am so mean as to try to start school right when he decides he is going to play with his Bionicles. Why he is not allowed to correct and punish his brother.
These are just some of the discussions we have had today. Some of them louder than others.
I really worry about what kind of adult he will be.
Some days I just want to lock myself in my room. The only thing that has stopped me is the knowledge that if I am not there for him, no one will be.
The problem is, I don't know how to fix it.
1 comment:
Krista,
I know that you are aware that Max is also this child. I really believe that these traits of questioning, quizzing, insisting on answers, will come to serve them as adults (if we don't kill them first). I tend to see these boys as the reason things in life are changed for the better. These boys, as men, will continue to question WHY they have to pay taxes, WHY they have to be drafted, WHERE their $$ is going.. and many other things along the way. They feel a strong need to be in control of their lives.
I know in Max's particular case, the arguing becomes less if I do the one thing that is the hardest for me to do, be very, very, very consistent and routine oriented for a few weeks. NO exceptions, no leniency, no changing rules or anything. IF I can force myself to follow a strict set of guidelines for him: breakfast at 8, shower at 8:30, no TV before schoolwork, lunch at noon, reading 1/2 hour is required, chores before video games... for two weeks, he will begin to know that this is law. NOW.. those two weeks are hell, because even at 10.5, he still will ask me EVERYONE of those 14 days, if he can watch TV before school, or skip his shower or whatever. And he will be ANGRY if I say no. But slowly, we can add more things into the list and he adjusts. I also know that giving him some control over his own life has helped. He can choose what order to do his school subjects, he can choose what time to have his lunch break as long as it is only 1 hour long. He can choose to shower morning or night, to read in bed or on the couch... I have to learn to stop arguing about the small stuff, and keep a tight reign on things.
We have also instituted the "30 days" punishment system. Arguing with us after being given a command or reply to a question, equals 30 days without "xxx"... you pick his thing.
I refuse to argue. I say "no, and this discussion is over, anything else comes out of your mouth and you will be punished" and I walk away.
Know you are not alone!
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